Waking Up Waking Down Blog

Lisa says:

Once upon a dark and fitful night, I woke up feeling very afraid.  The night was womblike, and there were no disturbances I could discern, yet my heart felt physically “sore” afraid.    My mind must have been AWOL so I had a tiny sliver of quietness.    Almost immediately I saw my mind jump back to it’s post and begin labeling the causes of the fear:

 lack of a partner

future money worries

business challenges

impending empty nest syndrome

But here’s the beauty – in that shiny little moment of quiet – maybe a 1/2 second – I saw that the fear existed PRIOR to the labels my mind slapped on.  The fear was there all along.  It was existential.  Now I know,that fear was the Core Wound; the anguish of being a finite body in an overwhelming physical world and wondering if this is all there is of me – how scarey. 

Oddly, I felt reassured.  Oh, I’m not really frightened about “something” – all this crap that I have to do-something-about.  It’s just scarey being alive.  It’s hard to be here.  Every body has an anxious heart.  

When I read Saniel’s book Great Relief (the 2 sentences above are take from it) I recognized that I’d felt the Core Wound.   It’s wierd that it’s a great relief, to know and see these things about myself.  But, it’s worse to feel that there is no reason for feeling frightened of just living.   And it’s worse yet to strain and toil to repress feeling a Wound that is inescapable and undelete-able.

Been there, done that, what’s next?